I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain… Part 2

Sorry for the delay, the silly season got the better of my organisational skills!  So here are the final 5 steps for improving confidence including one bonus one for lateness!

6.  Treat yourself.  A bit like number 5 but also a little different.  You need to feel loved and special and if that means treating yourself to a massage, spa treatment, shopping trip, day off, holiday, puppy cuddles, sleeping in or something else you’ve been wanting to do for ages but didn’t have the time or didn’t think it was important enough – just do it!  Yep, we’re using the Nike slogan but that’s because it’s good!

7.  Learn to say NO!  This one is a pretty big undertaking and rather important.  If you have been pushed around and taken advantage of for years it can be hard to change the trend.  If you need a bit of help the issue has been addressed in many movies – ‘27 dresses’ is one of my favourites for this!  It may not sound difficult to a lot of people but it can be, think back to number 5 and remember to put yourself up there on your list of priorities.  Start with something small and simple and work your way up from there.

8.  Express yourself.  A lot of us often find that in the heat of the moment we have trouble saying exactly what we want to say to people who have upset us – this is completely normal!  It’s hard to say exactly what you want to say when emotion is involved, it’s way too easy to get caught up and forget your words!  So take a step back, think about it for a while and then come back and say what you have to say.  There is nothing wrong with re-addressing an issue later down the track once the heat has gone out of it.  Think clearly and concisely about exactly what it is that you want to say; exactly what you are upset about and why or what you want to talk about and why.  Try to separate the person from the action, it is very important so they do not feel like they are being unfairly targeted and respond in kind which can result in a bit of a kick to your confidence.  Emotive statements are great for getting across how you feel without sounding like you’re attacking the other person – for example; I feel sad/angry/hurt/offended when … happens/when you… so I feel offended when I believe there is racial prejudice going on at work.  And use specific examples.  It is important for people to understand how their actions impact on you – they may be completely unaware they are having any effect on you whatsoever if you never say they are.

9.  Practice, practice, practice.  Who hasn’t heard that one before!  Well it is important, the more you work at something the easier it becomes and the better you get at it.  You don’t have to suddenly throw yourself in the deep end, build up to it slowly and instead of avoiding situations of conflict, public speaking or other situations that make you nervous expose yourself to them slowly and make sure you’re prepared – not over prepared because then it is just as likely that you’ll keep getting prepared, be convinced you’re never prepared enough and then not do it!  Whenever I have to perform or speak in public, or even answer a question in a meeting or class I still feel a flutter of nerves but the more often I do it the easier it becomes.  12 months ago I went on a cruise with friends and there was a karaoke competition.  The first song I performed I couldn’t feel my legs – that used to happen to me a lot and I realised that I was just out of practice.  By the final round several days later I was dancing on stage during a musical interlude in my song (and I didn’t even know the song).  Practice, practice, practice!!

10.  Don’t sweat the small stuff!  Kinda along the same lines as ‘stop second-guessing yourself, point 4).  Lets face it, confidence goes hand in hand with stress and that little voice in the back of your head that worries about everything; what people think, what they say, whether you made the right choice, whether you are going to make the right choice and so on.  The saying ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ is very appropriate but I prefer ‘don’t stress about the things you can’t change and focus on what you can’.  You can’t change the weather, you can’t make your tram run on time, once you submit that completed application you can’t make them pick you.  AND if you paint something the wrong colour you can always change it later, if you take a wrong turn you can always retrace your steps.

11.  (A bonus one!)  No one can do it for you!  No one is going to make your decisions for you, if someone stands up to someone else for you it’s not really going to solve your problem and make you feel better and when you do you’ll feel great in the long run (admittedly the first couple of times you might feel a little ill from the nerves and adrenaline but after that passes you can congratulate yourself!).

There are many situations out there that can affect your confidence and courage and many types of situations that can do the same.  Bullies range in severity from those who physically bail people up for money etc to those friends who unknowingly wax lyrical about a particular issue they feel very strongly about ad nauseum without realising they are making others uncomfortable or upset or just plain annoyed.  Taking this on, sticking up for yourself, questioning unfair treatment by others and making yourself heard can be difficult; particularly if it is not something you are accustomed to doing for whatever reason.

For me, many of the experiences I had growing up that shaped the person I am today were also completely confidence shattering and it took a long time to recover.  To put it briefly – a lot of shit happened and I learned from it because I was able to, because that is the person I am and the view I have but not everyone is the same.  I hate the saying ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’; it’s ridiculous.  Tell that to a victim of abuse, someone who has had to flee their country to avoid persecution and left their family behind, a mother who has had to bury her child or someone suffering from PTSD.  It’s not helpful in the moment so just don’t say it.  Some things that are hard we can learn from, we can become resilient.  But sometimes, some people just break and they’re allowed to, sometimes shit just happens and there is no sense in it and nothing good to learn. Humans are resilient but most of us can’t do it on our own, I couldn’t and there is no shame in asking for help.  The most important thing to do, the very fist step to becoming confident and happy is to be brave and say ‘I CAN’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 12 other followers

Twitter Updates

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

%d bloggers like this: